How to improve communication with your partner and avoid continuous misunderstandings

How to improve communication with your partner and avoid continuous misunderstandings

millorar la comunicació amb la teva parella

Over time, relationships have been changing and today we see and live the couple in a more conscious way. But the question of how to improve communication with your partner keeps recurring.

When I ask our parents’ generation (60-80 years old), most of them agree that they didn’t even think about it, they were simply brought up to fall in love, get married and have children. Everything else came with only the reference of their own parents and what they themselves perceived as children about couples.

What is the difference now?

As I tell my clients, “you are lucky” to live in a society where time and tools are at your fingertips to pay attention and transform, to ask yourself and receive lots of information about all the possibilities of relating. But let’s get to the root.

>First it is important to take responsibility for your decisions.

You are the one who decides to be with a person or not, beyond the passions and emotions, you have the personal freedom to start, follow or leave a relationship. This, apart from empowering you, is also important to keep in mind so that you do not fall into the trap of complaining about the other person.

Do I want to be in a relationship with this person? Answer honestly

>Know your needs.

Knowing what you need gives you two things. One, to recognize the importance of what you expect and want, and with it you can integrate and recognize which are the indispensable ones for you and which you would need to leave behind because they are no longer useful to you at present. Two, you can freely and clearly express your needs to the other person and thus they can understand you more deeply.

What am I after?

What do I need in a relationship?

>Know the other person’s needs.

It is healthy for both partners to carry out this exercise, as you will both be moving towards a more conscious path, letting go of the different masks to express yourselves openly from the heart.

>Recognize your resources and those of the other person.

This is also a key step in gaining clarity and confidence in yourself and in the relationship, thus giving you the opportunity to see what each has to offer the relationship.

What can I bring to my partner?

Do I feel that we are giving and receiving equally?

So far we have seen two basic points in systemic relationships. Belonging to the relationship with my partner, and giving and receiving in a balanced way.

And now, what do I do with all this?

It is very likely that answering these questions will lead to many answers and other questions that can lead you to deeper personal work.

On a systemic level, in every relationship an energy is generated that goes beyond you or the other and that unites both of you. It is important to give it the recognition and space it deserves.

1st step. Answer the questions:


Choose a quiet place, close your eyes and take 5 deep breaths before answering the questions. Take your time, this is a time to reconnect with yourself.

What am I “looking for”?

What do I need in a relationship?

What can I bring to my partner?

Do I feel that we are giving and receiving equally?

Step 2. Share:


Share and discuss the answers with your partner. Settle down in a quiet space and remember that this is a moment to express how you feel, with sincerity and without reproach. If there is something that bothers you, simply write it down on a piece of paper and find another moment to share it.

3rd step. Develop your agreements:


With everything you’ve shared, develop your pacts as a couple, starting with the common and easy ones. Those where disagreements arise, take time to talk about them and always give respect.

You can create your own agreements based on these:

. Do not assume

. Honor your words

. Always do your best

. Don’t take anything personally.

*The 4 agreements of Toltec wisdom, Doctor Miguel Ruiz

4th step. Write them down on a large piece of paper:


Put these agreements on a large piece of paper where they can be clearly read and hang it in a visible place for you to remember what binds you together and helps you to improve your communication with your partner and develop a healthy partnership.

comunicación en pareja

There is always a good time to do this exercise with your partner, enjoy it as a game knowing the importance of being recognized and respected within this relationship you are creating! Later you can review them and generate new ones.