THE SYSTEMIC WORLD
In many ancient cultures, people speak of the “invisible world”, the world that is parallel to our daily reality which is not visible to our basic senses.
In this invisible world lays the systemic world, a reality that we “cannot see” with our eyes but is perceived through our body.
Our body is a biological system that has been going through continuous evolution since millions of years. Not only since the appearance of Homo sapiens neither since the first cells had been, but from that suspended stardust started to exist call it the Universe.
This simple but complex idea may be overwhelming and even paralyzing, as it leads us to a vast field of questions and possibilities that our minds cannot comprehend.
But at the same time it is a starting point for understanding that we are a part of a complicated system of creation that human beings have been trying to understand and explain since the beginning of time.
With this article I’m not trying to explain the Truth of Life but I’m trying to open the doors of understanding and awareness of your potential as a living being on this Earth.
Religions have been trying to explain these systems through stories and beliefs, sometimes easily interpreted, sometimes we take it literally with good intentions and sometimes it comes in the form of control.
But as I have implied earlier, my intention here is not to judge or compare.
Today, we are in a changing world where we are in a paradigm of hyper-connection and hyper-information. That’s why we need other ways of interpretation now, where we are able to understand and interact with Reality and here is where the systemic dynamics has a lot to contribute.
So I invite you to read these words in an open state and beyond your own beliefs and constraints.
As a species we have created ideas and realities in which we believe we can dominate, understand and control as we please. This has become a need and a necessity to our minds, a survival strategy, otherwise we’re afraid to enter in a state of losing control and paranoia.
As these ancient cultures have tried to explain, we live in a reality where we see and understand only 1%, while the remaining 99% is a complex web of energies in a constant assemblage of past situations and future possibilities.
Between these two movements there is a third state which is called Present, the here and now.
To be able to live this present state we need to heal our past experiences and at the same time to be open to the infinite possibilities of the future.
This is where the systemic world comes in, a space in the present moment where you can observe and transform the past states of trauma and injury in which you have been left trapped, whether in your own childhood or in intergenerational aspects of your ancestors of the family tree; and at the same time open a space where new possibilities can emerge.
As I had been cleared earlier, we live in a complex reality that is interconnected to many levels. From our personal life experience, family and clan, our small town or city, social groups, culture, history, country, continent, planet and even the Universe itself.
But again, although my intention is to help you through this understanding, and perhaps guide you through all these dimensions that could make you feel somehow overwhelmed and may lead your mind to closes up and scares you off from reading.
So it might help you to continue with the intention of being open to a new understanding and integration of this moment we are living as I want to take you through the three systemic principles proposed by the Family Constellation.
Before proceeding I’d like also to encourage you to question all these information before adapting it.
Through the research and experience of Bert Hellinger, creator of the concept of Family Constellation, the first thing you need to understand is that all the movements of life are moved by Love.
We could define Love as a movement, an energy that goes beyond any mental understanding.
It is a state, sometimes ephemeral, other times prolonged in time, which we can feel in the heart. It’s not something to understand, it’s something to feel, like a movement of expansion.
That’s why even actions that seem brutal at heart have to do with this search for Love: to be loved, to be recognized, to be seen. All movements, thoughts and actions are, at heart, based on this search for Love.
If this Love is not felt, then strategies and structures begin to be created to “Find it.”
That’s when all these other states of frustration, anger, grief, sadness and schizophrenia appear and lead to selfishness and troublesome relationships, so that you can receive the love that you “deserve”.
If we understand this Love as an energy, it is neither created nor destroyed, but is it transforms. Love is, is always there, like the air you breathe and it need to be transformed so it can be integrated into you.
That is why it is important to understand what Bert Hellinger calls the Orders of Love. To transform the way, we understand and manage the Love that surrounds us.
This requires taking into account the three systemic principles of Belonging, Order and
Giving & Receiving.
It is not always easy to be in a state of Love, are you in this state of Love right now?
Are you open to that inner feeling of expansion in your chest? Or you are comparing and judging?
These three principles open a path, a way to walk and understand this state of Love.
1st PRINCIPLE: BELONGING
The etymology (origin of word) of belonging is “extending to“. Is to extend as a human being beyond yourself, or, to put it another way, I don’t exist if I’m not seen.
Consciously or unconsciously this is what you seek from the beginning, to be seen by your parents, family, close people, from your partner, society, and the world itself.
That’s why you’re always going to seek to belong to a group, be it political, sport, ideological, etc.
The absence of the belonging feeling equals the feeling of not being seen or even existing and you will do everything possible to be recognized and valued for who you are.
You need to understand that you already belong from the moment you are born, you already belong to Life, to the world, to your parents who have conceived you, that you belong to Nature and to the rest of human beings; to the collective.
Stay and be rooted in this feeling, feel what it is like to be seen and recognized as a living being. This sensation is to feel at home, in the body, in the Self. This is what we can call the Existence, not being alone.
If, for whatever reason, a trauma, a bad experience or living in an environment where other people are perceived as absent, that’s when you’ll start to feel distant, in loneliness and even exclusion.
As these sensations develop, you get caught up in them, and these sensations start to manifest themselves as states of depression, distress, despair and anxiety that can lead you in to states of both physical and psychological illnesses.
To feel that you belong is to feel safe and confident, and at the same time it helps you to extend yourself beyond your own internal and external boundaries. A state through which you can begin to express yourself without fear of being judged, excluded or attacked.
When I belong and I am seen, I exist and can express myself as I am.
2ND PRINCIPLE: ORDER
The meaning of order is “the correct functioning of something, like the harmony of the human relations within a community.“
The human being is a social being by nature because of our mammalian brain. We need to be in touch with others, to relate to each other for survival.
Biologically, the human being has been a physically weak species compared to the other species that had populated the Earth, and it was thanks to the union and organization with the other homo sapiens that we were able to survive and to prosper as a species.
We needed to have an order so that we can thrive in large groups and societies. As a species we have developed with more or less success different types of social orders.
There are certain basic orders that are necessary to take into account because of its importance, such as the order of belonging to a system.
For example, a mother will have a primary order to her daughter so the first one is needed so that the second one can exists, but at the same time in this family system the grandmother will be even more important as that thanks to her, the following two can exist.
It is therefore important within the family system to give the place of importance to each one and therefore the grandmother will always be more relevant because thanks to them both the daughter and the granddaughter will be able to exist and be part of the family; in addition, the grandmother will always have an experience greater, by age, than both coming after her.
Here it is important to consider recognizing and honoring the order of entry of people into the different systems, in case this order is altered or not recognized as it should be, the system will begin to fall into disharmony until members of this group return or recognize the place that belongs to each of them.
That is why in ancient cultures there has always been an important place given to the ancestors, being recognized and remembered as the givers of life because thanks to them we exist, without them we wouldn’t be here.
It is because of the recognition and honoring of your ancestors that you can recognize and honor your own personal power and your own essence. Thanks to them you are alive and thanks to them you are the person that you are today.
In many cases, because of the abuse of power, feelings of exclusion or lack of recognition, an element of the system, a son, may think or feel superior to its parent, based on the use of greater academic knowledge or a more important position in a job, and that is why that this son will believe himself superior and with the right to be more important than the father.
But the only thing he is achieving is that the order within the family is disharmonized, wanting to take on him the responsibilities that are not his, thus creating more and more inconsistency within the system.
Not being in order within a system can make you feel out of place, feel attacked from the rest (victim), being in a continuous confrontation (executioner) or wanting to save others with taking on responsibilities that don’t belong to you (savior).
All this can lead you to strive for excessive control, questionable morality or schizophrenia in the face of taking decisions.
Knowing and recognizing your place within each system is of vital importance to your own subsistence and welfare, otherwise it will be very difficult to be connected to your own personal power.
3rd PRINCIPLE: GIVING & RECEIVING
These two are opposite movements of the same energy, which, at the same time, create an infinite cycle and that needs to be in balance so that they can manifest in harmony within you.
These movements are like life and death, like expansion and retraction. You get food and energy, then you can give actions and work; you receive love and care, then you can take care of others.
In many cases because of trauma, accidents, disappointments, etc. can make you feel fragile and out of balance from an early age. That’s when fears appear from the inconsistency of receiving or giving, whether on an emotional, physical or mental level.
If you are always giving you will end up exhausted, if you are always receiving in the end the others elements of the system will go against you. To create a balance between these two movements you must be aware of the position you’re in.
That unbalance it’s closely connected to the two principles before, and it’s commonly present in love relationships. Many times, that given and receiving it’s use it as Power, who is right o who is giving more on the relationship.
It can also be seen in job relationships, where the worker has a lack of motivation because has the feeling to be exploded or not feeling respect by the boss or other colleagues.
In those cases, the relationship it would be in continuously misunderstandings and fights for power, and you can find yourself creating constant strategies to make the others feel less or trying to put yourself in a higher position.
Ask yourself if you feel like you are constantly giving or receiving, either in a family, romance or work relationships. If you feel that these two energies are not in balance, ask yourself why.
Search in a conscious and profound way why you are giving or receiving constantly.
Usually behind these initial responses is a feeling of constant emptiness that you try to fill by a vicious circle of seeming to give, to save, to complain about not receive or feel constantly attacked.
In personal awareness toward yourself and towards others, you can find the balance between Giving and Receiving.