Partner Communication

When talking to people about problems with their partner, they define them as disconnections and difficulties with expressing what one needs.

In these situations I find two dynamics useful, one is how to communicate and the other is related to one of the principles of systemic, Giving and Receiving.

In communication, not only with the couple, it is important what is said and how it is said. For this I want to share with you a very interesting tool called Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg. In his book, Rosenberg calls us to three actions: Self-observation, Emerging Feelings and Personal Needs. To connect with these three actions there are three questions:

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Practical exercise to overcome the feeling of being victimhood

Faced with such a sensitive issue in our society I just want to express that it is not the same to be a victim of abuse as to live in victimhood.

The first is an act of violence that must be denounced and treated by people specific to the subject. On the other hand, living in victimhood is an attitude, a more or less conscious pattern that does not have to come from direct abuse, but can be learned.

Victimhood has become the pink elephant that occupies the room of your Being and that you do not want to see. Remember that the victim is always accompanied by an Executioner and you can act from either one of the two according to the situation.

This is based on the need for recognition that leads you to act from guilt or pride. Terms that really have a great deal of depth in you.

Victimhood can be felt from sadness, immobility or anxiety; usually centered in your solar plexus.

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Connecting with your best version

What if you could live day to day from your Best Version? Maybe at first you feel it as a motivation and then you feel it as a death, and there is nothing more terrifying for this culture than death.

And that’s why there can be many self saboteurs inside you who feel threatened if you get to your Best Version (BV), because they will disappear, and they are very comfortable; so why leave the comfort zone? Or it’s possible that somewhere in you it’s something that terrifies you, and if I get it, then what?

Is the road over? Will I have no more motivation? What if I change and lose everything I have (family, friends, work…)?

With this exercise you will work from your presence and present towards your Best Version, making a conscious path of your current position and what you need to let go of and what you need to take to reach the Best Version of you.

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Responsibility: the ability to respond

Many times I meet people who find it hard to feel comfortable with Responsibility. Many of the fears or feelings of vulnerability are related to what is understood about Responsibility in their lives.

Therefore I want to share with you an exercise with which you can work on the feeling of Responsibility, both personally and towards other people.

Beyond an etymological or dictionary definition, we all have a definition of this word.

 
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THE GRIEF CYCLE OR CHANGE

It is possible that when you hear about grief you connect it to the death of a loved one, but grief is an almost continuous process in your life, as you are constantly changing. And with each new change there is a grief about letting go of something old so that you can open up to something new.

This is what is happening now (COVID-19), by physical deaths, in cases of people who have lost a loved one; by emotional deaths, when you realize that you are repeating emotional traumas and you are aware that you need to transform them, or by deaths of beliefs and habits, when something external occurs, as in this case, and you need to change to adapt to the new situation.

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TIME OF PANDEMIC, TIME OF PRESENCE

Right now, we are living in a time of Pandemic that is leading us to a time of global confinement, to an inner retreat.

That is why I want to present you with Theory U, by Otto Scharmer, which I have modified in order to explain it at a therapeutic level for this moment. You can look for more information about this interesting systemic theory and be able to go deeper into it.

In this U-shaped systemic movement, we can distinguish 4 spaces: Body/Mind/Heart/Being and 7 phases from superficial to deep and again to superficial.

I find this movement very interesting to be able to go deeper into yourself, not only in this moment, but any time you want to connect with yourself.

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